Addicted To Love
by Sweetlie123
Summary: They meet, fall in love and agree that they should keep their relationship a secret till they learn how to be a What happens when Ana gets bored of being his dirty secret? Will Christian tell the world that he's in love or will he still want to keep Ana his secret? AU
1. Lights Are On

**_Your lights are on, but you're not home_**  
**_Your mind is not your own_**  
**_Your heart sweats, your body shakes_**  
**_Another kiss is what it takes_**  
**_You can't sleep, you can't eat_**  
**_There's no doubt, you're in deep_**  
**_Your throat is tight, you can't breathe_**  
**_Another kiss is all you need..._**

* * *

Love... Love is complicated and hard to understand, you think you do what is the best for the person that you love with everything inside but then it just turns around and hits you right in the face because you were wrong and you hurt the person you loved the most.

Hurting the person you love the most hurts you more than it hurt them because you know you did something wrong, something that they would never forgive but they do... They forgive you and welcome you back in their arms. They hold you in their arms and promise you to never get angry again, to never scream at you. They promise that the next time, they will hear you out.

So I hold the love of my life in my arms as she wraps them around my waist and kiss her forehead. I don't know how she forgives me time after time even when I know that I don't deserve her forgiveness but I also know that I couldn't live without her so I let her forgive me for my mistakes.

"I love you." I whisper and kiss her lips, she moans in her sleep and I smile... My sweet, innocent girlfriend, my Anastasia.

I can't fall asleep; I can't sleep because I hurt her. Even when she tells me its okay, the guilt is eating my soul away and I still know she isn't telling me the truth... She wanted to tell me something important and she backed away because I scared her. I'm scared of getting too close, scared of losing her because she is the most important person in my life.

I hope tomorrow will be better; I hope tomorrow our routine will change and we will stop screaming our throats out at each other. That for once that I will agree with her or that she will once again agree with me.

I close my eyes and dream of the better and easier days. I wonder if it would be easier if I wouldn't have my own company and if I wasn't this rich. If my relationship with Ana would be easier if I wouldn't be me.

* * *

I know that I'm busy with all the other stories but I decided that I should sometimes change the stories around. I can honestly say that I need a change from True Love, I can't write all happy stories so this one will have a lot of drama but it will not be as heartbreaking as True Love.

Follow me on twitter- Dem567, don't be afraid to talk to me.I don't bite:)


	2. Body Love Part 1

We swallow pills, still wanting to be beautiful at the morgue,

Still proceeding to put on make up

Still hoping that the mortician finds us fuckable and attractive

We might as well be buried with our shoes,

And handbags and scarves, girls we

Flirt with death every time we etch a new tally mark into our skin.

* * *

I look in the mirror, I look at the long brown hair and my big blue eyes reflect back judging the new rolls on my stomach, my thighs that are growing every second. I try to remember my slender body, my petite form. I wonder what happened, to the girl that was once happy with herself and now is what people call average.

I don't have to wonder about what happened to me because I know what happened to me, I know who caused this to me and who is still doing this to me even when I don't want to admit it. He is changing me, the girl that loved British literature now loves cakes and the girl that didn't care about fashion tries to wear expensive clothes and the latest trends to make her boyfriend happy.

I try to make him happy even when he makes me miserable, when he makes me hate myself even when I haven't done anything wrong.

Christian tells me he loves me but then leaves me at his apartment like a puppy and goes to his stupid parties, kisses those pretty models... He licks his lips while checking their full breasts out and caresses their cheeks as he stares at their pink lips, imagining them on his. I know that even when he denies it, I know what he thinks and I know he wishes that I was like them.

He is out once again... with his family this time, apparently his brother has a new girlfriend and he wants her to meet him. Knowing Elliot, excuse me, knowing what I heard about Elliot he probably brought Christian a hooker to keep him occupied while he jokes about business and tells little stories about their childhood.

I try to remember why I'm here and the thing is I don't know, he hurts me more than I can take. I try to love my changing body and try to accept it as it is, I squeeze into my old jeans and stare at myself as the tears drop on the floor and I scream my lungs out wishing that this would stop. That the pain would stop.

And then he hugs me, he kisses me and tells me he loves me and I hate him... I hate him so much for doing this to me, I can't stand him that I love him so much even when he is killing me from inside out... Men like him don't like woman like me, they don't do ordinary but he still keeps me around for some fucked up reason.

Christian, Christian, Christian, what are you doing to the happy girl that I once was?

I walk to the couch and look at the clock, 21:47, he should be home soon and I wait for him staring at the clock as the arrow turns to 23:00, I walk to the kitchen and grab another slice of the dessert and sit back down.

I look down at the poison that heal me a bit more, that makes me hurt less... A little less because not feeling something for few seconds is better than feeling it all the time. People think I'm crazy, my own mother doesn't understand how this is helping me, of course she doesn't, she thinks drinking solves everything and even if she thinks she doesn't understand it... I know that she does deep inside because she has an addiction to and it just as bad as mine.

* * *

Listen to Mary Lambert- Body Love or any of her other songs, she is wonderful and I have the biggest lesbian crush on her. She is such a cutie and I could just squeeze her to death.

**Review**


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